I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
