taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
