these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
