we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize