You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
