That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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