"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
