i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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