just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
