omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Come on in and take your pants off
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