How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize