someone get that fucking seahorse.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
