I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
