you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Boobs speak an international language.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
