hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
