I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
