then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
