it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
