Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He shit in the fireplace
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
