Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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