I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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