so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
