He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
