I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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