I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
