he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
