Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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