I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
