I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
