Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
