I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
