forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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