God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
