he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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