she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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