doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
