opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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