corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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