Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My feet surprised me
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