No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize