plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
