worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
