we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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