moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
