I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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