P.S. I can't hear my feet
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
