bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize