Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
