she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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