3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
