So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
