just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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