So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
