I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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