I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
