the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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