no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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