you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
