i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm really busy with my period
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