I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
