in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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