I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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