I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
