I got chris browned last night
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize