I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
