I could have mohawked her pubes.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
