Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize