maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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