Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
