How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
