Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
