so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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