pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
