I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize