I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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