She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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