Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
