when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
