I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
