You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
