According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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